absence
I feel you like a blackhole
you are not sucking nor crushing
but you are a void within me
for every day that we are not together
I can not look at you
for to look at you would mean that you give me something in return
you take and hold onto all that I have put forth
all my hope and love and dreams
the only way I know you is through inference
through the lack of what is there
the absence of you
I can remember a time when
like a star
you burned
the nuclear fusion of emotion
fought against the inevitable collapse
the eventual implosion
of us
and then
one day
the core
our center
lost
it lost the fight
the will to continue
it could not
would not
refused to
work on the harder things of life
we’d already gone through the easy stuff
and as life does
it got harder
with the feelings that build up over time
the small disappointments
and the little resentments
the failed attempts at conception
it was all pulled down
gone before we knew it
and we only knew it
when the rest of our life exploded
when all the layers of the easy life blew away
strewn out into space
pushed away from that tiny absence
of light
now I only know it
because it’s not there
a void amongst voids
black
only in that nothing is there
felt
and yet not seen
it tugs and it pulls
threatens to drag me under
this black hole
squeezes everything around it
anything that gets near enough
is consumed and what can not be eaten is destroyed
compressed beyond recognition
until that thing explodes into a stream of gamma rays
flung far across the universe
leaving nothing behind
maybe one day to be inferred
by someone looking back
a billion years